Seasons of Waiting

To you who choose to move on, keep going.
I know you’re tired.
I know how painful what you are experiencing right now.
I know you want to give up and stop.
I know how you tried your best to be the better version of yourself.
I know how much you are craving happiness and peace for your soul.
I know how hard it is to let go and to move forward from the things that you used to do and used to be, but I want to encourage you that there is more to life, that you can be more and you deserve all the best things in life.

If you ever find yourself having a breakdown in the middle of the night or crying in the public places when the pain hits you so hard, that is completely fine and I want you to know that your pain is valid. You can cry as long as you want, but at the end of the day, you need to decide that you will not stay in that situation.

You are not alone just because the person you truly love leaves you.
Your worth will not change just because someone doesn’t fight for you.
Your value will not be based on other peoples opinion just because you made a mistake.

In moving on, you need to eradicate the opinions of unnecessary people.
You don’t need to listen to what all the other people around you are saying, you just need to listen to God, to the closest people you have in your life, and most importantly to yourself.
Never force yourself to show that you are moved on and healed but the truth is , you are still not. You’re just fooling yourself my dear.

Just in case you are doubting yourself in the process of moving forward and you found yourself stuck in the situation you weren’t supposed to be, let me remind you of these three things —

1. There is joy in goodbyes.

A lot of people are afraid of saying goodbyes because we grew up believing that goodbyes will hurt us . But let me tell you this, there is joy in goodbye. When we give goodbye to the people who have hurt us, it honors your past and provides closure as you move on to your next chapter. As one of the saying goes —

“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.”

So the next time you will say goodbye, always look forward to beautiful things that will come along the way. Your goodbye is a door for you to enter the new beginnings and new tomorrow that are awaiting for you.

2. There is a blessing in brokenness.

Your brokenness season is not a wasted season.
Sometimes, we are taught that we can no longer be used by God. We stop to pursue our dreams because we believe to the lies of this world that broken things are useless. But let me remind you, your brokenness is precious in the eyes of God. You just need to admit that you are hurting and you need the embrace of the father.

In that season, you will be able to have an intimate moment with Him.
In brokenness, you will be able to see the goodness and greatness of God.
It is in your broken season that God can use you mightily and powerfully.

“It is doubtful that God can use a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” – A.W Tozer

Today, you are in the exact place you are meant to be right now. Do not deny your season. Embrace it, learn from it. There is beauty in brokenness.

3. You got the best thing in life when you let go

Today, remember that even if it is hard to let go, never stop to trust the perfect plan of the Lord for your life.
Start to hold on to God.
Let go of your vision and embrace God’s given vision.

Letting go is a decision but entering your new season is a choice.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. ISAIAH 43:18-19

As you enter your new beginning, I pray you move forward with a grateful and thankful heart.
May we all learn from the mistakes of the past.

Believe me that one day, you will look back in the past and you will be thankful that you choose to move forward. There’s no need to rush. What God has for you will always arrive on time. Your healing and breakthrough will come at the perfect timing of God.

Most importantly, believe me that one day all the pain will heal. It will. One day, you’ll forget all the bad memories that person had left you with and soon you’ll find the one who’s right for you. That day will come to you, I promise. And life is so much better once you let it. Have patience and for now, take all the time that you need but try not to go back to that same old love when there are so many better and more exciting loves that you have yet to find. That person who is right for you, they’re out there.

Promise me that you won’t give up. Because you deserve the best love too.

Let me begin this — beloved, keep going. You’re almost there.

I see those tears falling from your eyes.
I know you’re afraid and you feel like you can take heart anymore.
I understand how it feels like everything is falling apart and the only choice you have is to give up.

But please hear me in this —

YOU ARE BRAVE.

You have worked so hard to get to where you are.
Yes, the easy thing would be just go home and give up on whatever is giving you troubles but what comes easy won’t last and what lasts won’t come easy.

Don’t lose sight of your dreams, you’re probably closer than you think.

I may not know what your situations are like.
I may not be in any position to tell you what to do or how to live your life. But I do know that everyone gets a second chance.
Even if it is tearing you into pieces, believe that you can be the person that God wants you to be.
Everyone out there is rooting for you. Your parents, your friends, the rest of your family… everyone.

You are already everything you are. Take what you are and accept it. Nobody is going to accept it for you.
You can always be sure that when you place your plans, dreams, and goals into the hands of God, you will receive it at the right time.

Just keep going and trust His process.

And to end this, I would like to share to you this passage in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 and verse 16

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9;16-18

The last chapter of your life has not been written yet so I pray that you’ll find the courage to finish what God has started in your life.

Don’t lose heart, your breakthrough is coming!

He has made everything beautiful in its time. – Ecclesiastes 3:11

How much of your life have you already been waiting?

They say that the hardest test in life is the patience to wait for the right person, right place, right opportunity and right time. But what if one day, you wake up and you see the ‘one thing’ that you’ve been waiting for so long is already in front of you? What would you feel?

I am posting this blog on the 14th of February while everyone is celebrating their moment with their special someone. I can’t help but to smile while I am browsing since yesterday up until today in Facebook and Instagram feed as I am seeing a bunch of couples posting their photo together with a long-heart whelming caption, different kind of flowers in a bouquet with chocolates, some are posting their “me time” while others are celebrating the season of love with their family.

I feel their smile for I was once in their place and I know what it feels to have some butterflies in your stomach when someone is holding your hand and making you feel safe and secured. And I believe that love is one of the best things we could ever give and receive in this world.

So why am I sharing this with you?  In regards to the title of this blog, I know you would think that I already found someone as I put it there that waiting is over. And yes, you are correct. The waiting is finally over and let me share with you how I found the love that satisfies me, loves me, embraces me, and comforts me.

I found my great love when I surrender the love that I think the best for me.

Sometimes when we say surrender, it is rarely seen as positive. It is seen as giving up or losing. But when I learned the act of surrendering in Christ it gave me hope and new life.

When I learn to surrender, that is the moment where waiting is over.

I stop waiting for the time that I am forcing to happen.
I stop waiting for the person that the Lord has been telling me to give up.
I stop waiting for the prayers that have been answered by God.
I stop waiting for life to happen according to my will.
I stop waiting for tomorrow to happen.
I stop waiting for the signal of the universe.

It’s one thing that you are waiting for something but it’s another thing to wait for the things that will matter most in your life. You can do something today and not wait for a long time to make it happen.  It means you can actively start to pursue whatever it is that you desire.

“Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!”

— Aryn Kyle

I was once waiting for a better future, but I was afraid to take any action into my own hands. And so, I ended up wasting a lot of time — frozen in fear. And I realize that life is far too precious to waste; and that it’s up to each and every one of us to start living it.

And finally,  when I stop waiting for the love that my heart is desiring, I was founded by His love. I am in awe of how I am going to explain this love that I am receiving but one thing I am for sure, this is the kind of love that will never leave me and the love that will always fight for me.

Today, you are in an exact place where God is whispering to your heart that you need to stop waiting for life to begin. Instead of waiting for life to happen, make it happen. Instead of waiting for a change, create a change.

As I end this blog, I want to leave these questions to you —

Do you feel that you are waiting for something to happen in your life all the time?
What are the things you need to stop to wait for your life?
How can you start living a life and stop waiting for things to happen?

The fact that you are reading this means you were able to overcome the year 2021 and I just want to congratulate you for finishing the year strong. A series of breakdowns, victories, and failures happened. Good or bad, these are events in life that made us who we are today. With lessons learned in the previous years, we should be able to claim that 2022 will be our year.

As we enter into not only a new year, here are my top tips for success moving forward and how we can maximize this year 2022 to the fullest.

1. DO A YEARLY REVIEW

Reflecting helps you to develop your skills and review their effectiveness, rather than just carry on doing things as you have always done them. It is about questioning, in a positive way, what you do and why you do it and then deciding whether there is a better, or more efficient, way of doing it in the future.

Learn to appreciate all your accomplishments, may it be small or big. Celebrating your victories last year is a great way to see how amazing lies ahead this new year. In typical yearly review, you should answer these type of questions:

• What went well for me last year?
• What accomplishments did I have?
• How did I improve my life?
• How did I improve my relationships?
• What did I remove from my life that is now making me happier?
• What do I wish I had taken more time for?

These  questions will help you appreciate all you’ve accomplished in the previous year, and you can use this information to start the new year off right, and set better goals this year.

2. FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED.

Do you have a habit of starting projects, but not finishing them?
Which projects, errands, and general list of to-do items do you have left over from the previous year that you can complete in 2 hours or less? Do them now to clear your mind of the old items.

LEARN TO SAY NO TO PROCRASTINATION!

This year, you will have no room for any delays.
Whatever you have started, set a timeline when you will finish it.

If you are a student, make a timeline when you will pass the project, module, or a certain task.
If you are working, have a planner so you can meet the deadlines.

Remember, in finishing a task, it’s not about how you manage your time but it’s all about how disciplined you are so you can manage the schedules and plans you have set to finish a certain goal.

Some tips for you to finish what you have started —
1. Quit being a perfectionist
2. Commit to it.
3. Connect with your end vision
4. Follow the path of highest enjoyment
5. Track your progress.
6. Celebrate what you’ve done so far.
7. Don’t force it if it’s really not working out

You can do it!
You can be more!
You can finish whatever you have started in your life!

3. BE REALISTIC

The goal of setting goals is to define a clear direction that inspires you into action. Realistic goals help you to do that. Unrealistic ones do quite the opposite and can lead to disappointment, procrastination, and frustration.

There is nothing wrong in setting grand and magnificent dreams, but if you want to accomplish some improvements in your life, you need to be realistic. We have to  turn a dream into something we can picture accomplishing before it can become a reality.

4. GET POSITIVE HABITS

Our lives are built of hundreds of tiny habits that we do every day. Whether we even know we’re doing them.

Those habits hurt or help us, and our worlds are a direct reflection of them.

Sure, they are often so small that you don’t notice the impact right away. But over time they make ALL the difference. So if you want to make the most of your 2022, make sure to acquire POSITIVE HABITS.

A quote from my mentor I always bear in mind is this —

You don’t need to be great for you to start. You just need to start for you to be great.

Start to build habits that will help you to grow physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially and socially. Step by step , by undergoing the right process and discipline, you will see that you are growing and learning.

Always focus on impact not on the approval of the people of your result. Based on the study, 20% of your actions give you 80% of your results. IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE. Work on that which makes the highest impact.

Here are some of the healthy and positive habits you may consider this year

1. Start your day by meditating good things. Take 10-15 minutes of quiet time.
2. Practice gratitude.
3. Motivate or encourage someone daily.
4. Perform an act of kindness.
5. Set your daily goals.
6. Be a better listener.
7. Have a good laugh.
8. Move your body for 30 minutes every day.
9. Prioritize sleep – get those 8 hours! Develop a sleeping ritual.
10. Save money every payday. Doesn’t matter how small your income is, the important thing is you save.
11. Drink 8 glasses of water daily.
12. Read books.
13. Set timer for your phone and social media time, or unplug for an hour daily.
14. Journal and write down your thoughts.
15. Pray!

5. COMMIT YOUR PLANS TO THE LORD.

Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed.

Psalms 16:3

You can only make this year right and great when you include the Lord in your plans. No matter how great your plans are and no matter how determined you are to achieve them but you forgot to commit those dreams and desires to the Lord, everything will be useless.

When we commit our ways and our work to the Lord, He will bless our efforts according to His perfect will in ways beyond our understanding. 

We can expect God to bring our works to fruition in God’s way and in God’s timing when we depend on Him in our efforts or what we do.  We have to seek and follow God’s will, not our own will.

Start this year as you wish to finish it.
Life has so much in store for you. You just have to trust in your hard work and persistence. Put up with the pain. Fight through the frustration. Make this year the year your wildest dreams come true and imagine what you can set your sights on next year.
Are you ready to breakthrough?
Let’s go.

Let me begin this — YOU ARE MEANT TO BREAKTHROUGH.

I understand you and your heart. And please know that your feelings are valid.
I know how you’re feeling when you see others achieving their dreams and goals in life, yet you find yourself stuck in a place where you weren’t supposed to be.
I know how hard it is to wake up every morning realizing that you have no excuse not to go to work because you are supporting your family.
I know the feeling of “sana all” moments you have when you see your friends happily married to the love of their life or some are enjoying the time with their partners.
I understand the frustration you have when you feel like you’ve lost your passion inside of you and you don’t know how to start again and bring back the momentum.

But let me tell you this —

It takes an overwhelming breakdown to receive an undeniable breakthrough.

So please be patient with yourself.

You are not a hopeless case or a lost cause.
You are standing up again, tending your wounds, moving forward.
You are not a victim.
You are a survivor, a warrior, a strong human being growing stronger everyday.
You are not in spite of your struggle; you are not because of struggle.
Struggle is only a place where you are refined, made stronger.

You are becoming more clearly you everyday.

You don’t have to try so hard.
The pain is not a character flaw or a quick fix.
You don’t have to blame yourself for it or pretend it’s not there.
FEEL IT.
It’s OK to feel.

Feeling takes strength

It’s okay to be in pain.
It’s okay to say you’re in pain.
But always remember:
You are not your pain.
You are living with pain but the pain is not everything,
The pain is, but you are more.

Don’t forget: You do not have to find your way out of this darkness alone.
You don’t have to hide in shame.
After all, you are not fighting against yourself anymore.
You can call others to help you.

Look at you:
The strong one, the one who survived a hard year.
But you didn’t just survive.
You kept hoping in the dark place.
You believed in your own worth even when you felt broken and alone.

And if you are reading this it means you didn’t give up.
You kept moving forward.
You were so brave to ask for help, so brave to face the pain and see yourself beyond it.
You are so strong.
You have been all along.

So keep going, breakthrough is on your way!

Let me begin with this statement — GOD IS LISTENING.

I’m not sure how many times in your life you pray for something and instead of receiving the answer right away, your prayers are met with silence. And we can’t control feeling frustrated and disappointed knowing that the Lord has a promise that we will receive from him whatever we ask in His name.

I understand you whenever you read promises of the Lord about fulfilling the desires of our hearts. It feels as if God always answers us right away when we’re praying from a surrendered, obedient heart, and yet in reality His answers sometimes don’t reach us for days, weeks, months, or even years.

It’s tiring, disappointing, and frustrating to wait.

But in this silent season, the Lord imparted in my heart that my waiting will lead to something that is best. Sometimes, God will not give you what you want but He will provide what you need. And in times that your prayers are not answered by God, let me remind you of some reason as to why God delays His answer.

1. God wants you to trust His timing.

Your timeclock is different from God’s timeclock. Sometimes you will think that your plans and timing are perfect but God is more than powerful and He knows what is best for you. In God’s hand, everything will fall into its perfect place.

God’s plan does not always happen in the way that we would like or at the time of our own choosing. He created a world that unfolds according to His own timetable, not ours.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:11

2. God looks at WHY you ask for what you prayed for.

When we bring our concern to God, do we assess our hearts if the things we are praying for will glorify God? Why do you want Him to answer your prayer? Are they for selfish reasons? Sometimes, God will delay the answer to your prayers because He sees that the intention is not good.

God wants you to enjoy the things that you are praying for. He will not give you the answer when He knows that the prayer is for a selfish desire. Check your heart and always check the motives.

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. – James 4:3

3. Sometimes God wants to see your faith BEFORE answering your prayer.

This is the question of ‘how faithful are you?’
Do you pray because you only need something from God?
Do you come to God because you know that you can get something from Him?

Let me remind you, God wants a faithful heart — a heart that will not give up and will continuously seek Him even if sometimes the answer is impossible to be granted. That is the power of faith. He wants you to be faithful in every season that He will give to you so that at the right time, when God sees that your heart is ready, He will give to you what you are praying for.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. – Hebrews 11:6

4. What you desire may not be God’s will for your life.

This may hurt you but allow me to break it with you — could it be that your desire is not the will of God for your life so you need to let it go? Sometimes, we keep on waiting for God to answer our prayers. We have our own grand and magnificent dreams in life but the question is, did you commit your plans and goals to Christ?

Remember this, God will not defy His character to answer your prayer. His will is what will always prevail. You want to know what is His will for your life, read His Word.

 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. – 1 John 5:14

5. God has something better in store for you.

Sometimes you think what you are asking to God is the best thing for your life. But you would that when God takes away something from you, remember that He has an intention of replacing it with something much better!

He is not sleeping when you are praying, God is just so busy arranging and preparing amazing things for you — for your life and for your future. He always wants what is the best for us and not just to merely settle for something less.

God sometimes says no or closes a door because He has something better for us that we haven’t even thought to ask for. He is One who can do “immeasurably more” than all we can ask or imagine.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. – Ephesians 3:20

I hope that when you find yourself  feeling like God isn’t answering your prayers, may this encouragement and especially the Word of God remind you to continually trust in His character.   Don’t forget that when God is silent He’s still doing something for you! God will never show you a picture or view of what He has for you. He loves to surprise!

So I urge you, dear friend, to not give up.
Keep praying.
Keep standing on God’s promises.

And hear me when I say this: He will answer at the right time.

TRANSITION —

This is the phase of our life where we come to a point where we realize that there’s something that needs to be changed. It is a place of uncertainties, unfamiliarity, discomfort, and confusion. But let me tell you this — YOUR TRANSITION IS NOT YOUR DESTINATION.

Season of transition requires a rapid and significant lifestyle, habit, or mentality change along with obedience, in order for it to end up successful. Time of transition will always reveal your character. If you want to learn about who you are and what you really like, go through a season of transition. Your response during that time will tell you what you’re made of.

Sometimes it can feel like these times of change are bringing the worst in you.

You are even asking yourself “Why am I struggling with this? This has never been an issue for me.” or “I thought I overcame this already?” or “I know I am way better than how I’m feeling or acting right now, I don’t know where this came from.”

But then again, you have to understand the purpose why God is allowing us to undergo the season of transition. It is the stage of your life that will allow you to enter a new season, a new beginning. It is the place where God is telling you to move.

IT’S TIME TO MOVE.

From death to life.
From darkness to light.
From shame to grace.
From fear to faith.
From sorrow to joy.
From bondage to freedom.
From brokenness to breakthrough.

Believe me, whatever you’ve been through in the past, you will undergo a transition that will completely allow you to see the beauty of life.

And here is what I realize about the goodness of our God.

He will not point you to what you did in the past. He will not let you see the mistakes and failures that you’ve committed in life. He will not give us any reason why we need to turn our back to Him.

One amazing thing about Him is that He will always point us to our future. He will allow you to discover more of your potential. He will guide you to exercise your passion so you can grow, learn, and you can have time to focus on what matters most in your life.

But hear me in this: Your season of transition may hurt you, stretch you, and break you. This is not the phase that is not exciting. It will crush you and wash everything that needs to be taken out in you. So I plead with you to be strong, to take courage, and to be brave.

Please know that no matter how hard your transition is, it is the plan of the Lord that will prevail.

• 

To the girl who always gets her heart broken, please know that it’s totally fine to get hurt and be in pain. I will not tell you to stop thinking about him or to walk away immediately from the place where he left you, there’s a high chance that you can still think of him every 12AM, you will still find yourself listening to the music you both love, you can’t stop yourself to search his profile and browse your picture together. I don’t have the right to say that you need to stop that because one thing I am sure — your pain and brokenness is valid.

I know the feeling. Those are the moments where you will ask God with a lot of “whys”. We will tend to ask a lot of things because we are in a situation that we can’t even explain ourselves. Many times, you will find yourself in the middle of the night crying because of the past that keeps on haunting you. Time will also come that while you’re staring at a cup of coffee, your tears will slowly fall down and for some reason, you can’t stop crying. It is totally fine because your pain is valid and you have to feel it.

But it doesn’t mean that you will stay in that season. Please remember this: the right person will come along.

So don’t be fooled by your heart telling you to not to move on and to keep on holding on. Believe that the right one will come to make your heart at peace, make you feel loved and secured. He will not confuse you nor let change the way you are. The right one will come when you are ready.

So please allow me to share what are the things that you need to do while you are in the season of brokenness and you feel that you can’t move forward.

First, do not blame yourself. There are times when we are blaming ourselves because of the decisions that we’ve made in the past. We also become to ourselves that we can’t even find forgiveness to our own self. Can I be honest to you? I think it is not that you need to forgive the people who’ve hurt you. Assess yourself, because maybe you are being so hard to your own heart and you can’t find forgiveness. If you’ve made mistakes, that is totally fine because you will learn from those moments of breakdown. There’s growth in every failure. So stop blaming yourself. Forgive your heart, your soul, and your mind.

Secondly, always remember that God allowed people in your life not to stay for the rest of your life but to teach us something. I am not sure what is the reason why God allowed us to encounter different people in our life and will leave us with no reason, but one thing I am sure of everything has a purpose and at the end I pray that those experiences in life will bring glory to Him.

Third, do not stuck yourself in a place where you weren’t supposed to be. I know it’s hard to move forward especially when there is no closure given. But please hear me in this, could it be that the silence and no responses are also a form of closure? Learn to move on even though there are explanations that he owes to you. We can’t force people to stay.

Beloved, you deserve someone who is always sure of you, someone who will make you feel that you are loved and worthy.

Lastly, let God take in full control. It’s all about total surrender. Surrender the pain, the person, the sadness, the brokenness, the loneliness, the anger, the unforgiving heart, and the trauma of being left behind. Stop fighting hard for the people who never fight for you. Let God fight you in this season. God got your back.

Right now, start to say goodbye to the mistakes, failures, blame-game, and heartbreaks that you’ve been dealing over the past year. Free yourself from further pain. Don’t even think what’s wrong with you, because if you’ll ask me: NOTHING. You are perfectly you. And if there would be one thing you’ll be wrong about that is when you still force yourself to love them after all that has happened. So never ever let yourself do that. Don’t be so cruel to yourself and to your heart.

Most importantly, believe me that one day all the pain will heal. It will. One day, you’ll forget all the bad memories that person had left you with and soon you’ll find the one who’s right for you. That day will come to you, I promise. And life is so much better once you let it. Have patience and for now, take all the time that you need but try not to go back to that same old love when there are so many better and more exciting loves that you have yet to find. That person who is right for you, they’re out there.

Promise me that you won’t give up. Because YOU deserve the best love too.

• 

Kintsugi or kintsukuroi is a centuries-old Japanese art of mending broken pottery, teapots or vase. Gold dust mixed with resin is used to reattach broken pieces or fill in cracks, resulting in a striking bond. Instead of trying to hide the repair, the art makes something beautiful out of brokenness. This alternative allows us to understand and see that not all broken things are useless, not all broken things are destined to be thrown away. You need to see that there is beauty in brokenness.

Like in life, I know we all at some point have been broken, some more than others. Whatever season you have right now, you will come to a point of this season–  a season wherein your heart is shattered into pieces, a season where the person you love the most left you, a season of failure, a season where dreams and plans can’t be executed, a season wherein you can’t find your purpose, a season of confusion which career to take in. It is a season wherein you can’t almost see the good plans that the Lord has prepared for you. Because in life, being broken is inevitable, but we have to embrace the truth lies behind —  there is still beauty in our brokenness.

Though this world has taught us that broken things are rendered useless, let me tell you this, in the eyes of God, your brokenness has its own beauty.  He has another perspective in terms of being broken.

Sometimes, it’s hard to understand why we have to undergo this season. I, myself, also questioned God before. I came to a point of ending my own life because I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain is so heavy and the scars are so deep. During this time, all I know is that I am broken and I want to end everything.

But thanks to God who didn’t allow things to happen in my own way. He reached me in my darkest and deepest place. His grace washed away all the sins and negative things I had in my mind. His love fills the emptiness in me and covers every broken in my heart.

Through this experience, the Lord reveals to me the beauty of my own brokenness.

I am in the position to breakthrough.

I understood that before God brings us into the place of prominence and greatness, He will first bring us to a place of brokenness. Many of us missed this opportunity to reflect and learn. I learned that instead of asking God “WHY”, we should ask Him this, “Lord, what do you want me to learn in this season?”

Our “whys” will never lead us to our breakthrough. It will just lead us to isolate ourselves and be in the pit of depression and loneliness.

Asking the right question will lead you to the right action.

In the season of brokenness, God wants you to learn and grow. Maybe God wants you to step out of your comfort zone.

You are destined for greatness, your breakthrough is about to come, just trust your process!

Lastly, one of the best lesson I learned during my brokenness is this:

Your brokenness season is not a wasted season.

Sometimes, we taught that we can no longer be used by God. We stop to pursue our dreams because we believe to the lies of this world that broken things are useless. But let me remind you, your brokenness is precious in the eyes of God.

In that season, you will be able to have an intimate moment with Him.
In brokenness, you will be able to see the goodness and greatness of God.
It is in your broken season that God can use you mightily and powerfully.

“It is doubtful that God can use a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” – A.W Tozer

Today, you are in the exact place you are meant to be right now. Do not deny your season. Embrace it, learn from it.

Broken crayons still color.
Broken clouds give rains.
Broken soil to produce crops.

Just like you and me, let us believe that our brokenness will always bring us to the beauty of His plans.

Trust Him, there is always a beauty in your brokenness.

• 

I thank God it was you but I need to say my last “GOODBYE”, not just for my own sake but for both of us.

Thank you for everything.
You don’t know how thankful and grateful I am that at some point, I’ve become part of your life. You’ve been a great partner to me.
Your wisdom, motivation, and encouragement always drives me to become a better person.
Thank you for the love and effort that you’ve poured out in our relationship. Please know that I deeply appreciate you.

Tonight, as I unfold the memories that we shared, let me say to you everything that I have here in my heart.

Why did you not find the courage to fight for us?
Why did you easily give up on us?
Why did you not find any reason to stay?
You left me without telling any reasons why we end up like this.

For the longest time that we are together, the time where we can embrace each other, the moments that I could hold your hands and kiss your forehead, I thought that you will be the one who will stay.

I just needed you to believe me.

I’m still in a state of confusion about which career to take in. I’m still undecided, wanting to explore and to try a lot of things.
But one thing I am sure of, that everything that I’m doing is that you are part of it.
I just need you to be proud of me. That’s all.
That in times that I don’t even understand my own self, I want you to say to me that I can do it.
In times that I am insecure, all I want to hear from you are the words ‘I love you.’
In times that I am afraid, I just want to hear from you that you will stay at my side.
I just want you to believe me, that I can be more. That I can be someone whom you can be proud of. I just needed you to believe me that I can achieve all of my dreams.

But you didn’t.

You didn’t even bother to look at me.
Our age gap is challenging for me.
But I always told to myself “Its not the age that fills the gap, it’s the LOVE.”
And I believe in that no matter how much I tried to reach you.
But you are always moving forward. You are always achieving great things. You’re on the top.
And you didn’t notice that you’ve missed me in the journey that we have.

I just want you to know that I am not jealous of what you have. To be honest, I am so happy and proud of you because I’ve seen you in your darkest moments. I was there when you receive a lot of rejections when you are applying for work, when you don’t have anything, when you are having breakdowns, when you are losing, when you are giving up, I was there.

I was there believing that you can be more, that you can be the person that the Lord wants you to be, that you will receive what we are praying for.
And I’m so proud to say that I was there during those moments.
And I will not regret the times that I stood by your side.
But now that I needed you, I can’t even feel your own shadow.
I am not asking for material things.
I just needed you to believe me, and that’s all.
I just need someone who will cheer me up in times that anxiety attacks me, when depression hits me.

But thank you for not showing up.

For I realize that it is only God whom I can always rely on.
He is the only one.
I thank God for this brokenness.
I thank God that you didn’t show up in times that I needed you. It allows me to draw closer to Him.
And that’s all. When I thought that it’s you that I needed, no, I’m wrong.
I don’t need you to believe me because in the first place, God shows to me how wonderful my future is.
I don’t need you to cheer me up for God has always been there in times that I am down, He’s always reaching out for me.
I don’t need you to stay at my side because the reality is all the people I love will leave me. And what is one truth that will not change? That God didn’t leave me nor forsake me.

I thought I just needed you. No, He is enough!
His love is enough to cover all the emptiness.

And for me, that love is more than enough.