I thank God it was you but I need to say my last “GOODBYE”, not just for my own sake but for both of us.
Thank you for everything.
You don’t know how thankful and grateful I am that at some point, I’ve become part of your life. You’ve been a great partner to me.
Your wisdom, motivation, and encouragement always drives me to become a better person.
Thank you for the love and effort that you’ve poured out in our relationship. Please know that I deeply appreciate you.
Tonight, as I unfold the memories that we shared, let me say to you everything that I have here in my heart.
Why did you not find the courage to fight for us?
Why did you easily give up on us?
Why did you not find any reason to stay?
You left me without telling any reasons why we end up like this.
For the longest time that we are together, the time where we can embrace each other, the moments that I could hold your hands and kiss your forehead, I thought that you will be the one who will stay.
I just needed you to believe me.
I’m still in a state of confusion about which career to take in. I’m still undecided, wanting to explore and to try a lot of things.
But one thing I am sure of, that everything that I’m doing is that you are part of it.
I just need you to be proud of me. That’s all.
That in times that I don’t even understand my own self, I want you to say to me that I can do it.
In times that I am insecure, all I want to hear from you are the words ‘I love you.’
In times that I am afraid, I just want to hear from you that you will stay at my side.
I just want you to believe me, that I can be more. That I can be someone whom you can be proud of. I just needed you to believe me that I can achieve all of my dreams.
But you didn’t.
You didn’t even bother to look at me.
Our age gap is challenging for me.
But I always told to myself “Its not the age that fills the gap, it’s the LOVE.”
And I believe in that no matter how much I tried to reach you.
But you are always moving forward. You are always achieving great things. You’re on the top.
And you didn’t notice that you’ve missed me in the journey that we have.
I just want you to know that I am not jealous of what you have. To be honest, I am so happy and proud of you because I’ve seen you in your darkest moments. I was there when you receive a lot of rejections when you are applying for work, when you don’t have anything, when you are having breakdowns, when you are losing, when you are giving up, I was there.
I was there believing that you can be more, that you can be the person that the Lord wants you to be, that you will receive what we are praying for.
And I’m so proud to say that I was there during those moments.
And I will not regret the times that I stood by your side.
But now that I needed you, I can’t even feel your own shadow.
I am not asking for material things.
I just needed you to believe me, and that’s all.
I just need someone who will cheer me up in times that anxiety attacks me, when depression hits me.
But thank you for not showing up.
For I realize that it is only God whom I can always rely on.
He is the only one.
I thank God for this brokenness.
I thank God that you didn’t show up in times that I needed you. It allows me to draw closer to Him.
And that’s all. When I thought that it’s you that I needed, no, I’m wrong.
I don’t need you to believe me because in the first place, God shows to me how wonderful my future is.
I don’t need you to cheer me up for God has always been there in times that I am down, He’s always reaching out for me.
I don’t need you to stay at my side because the reality is all the people I love will leave me. And what is one truth that will not change? That God didn’t leave me nor forsake me.
I thought I just needed you. No, He is enough!
His love is enough to cover all the emptiness.
And for me, that love is more than enough.